Stay-at-home dads remain a rarity

Society still frowns on changing traditional roles

As times change, more and more fathers are participating in their children's lives. However, the full-time stay-at-home father is still an elusive species.

The U.S. Census found there are just 98,000 fathers in America with children under 15 years old and who have been out of the workplace for at least one year.

Those who choose to stay home with their children find it rewarding. However, society does not embrace the idea entirely, said Linda Benson, a sociology lecturer at the University of Missouri-St. Louis."The stay-at-home dad is still slightly stigmatized," Benson said. "It's becoming accepted, but it's slowly changing."

It's hard to change attitudes about men and women, she said.

"Even some liberated women still feel the same about gender roles," Benson said. "We can have past assumptions built into our relationships."

Economics is playing a larger role in the growth of stay-at-home dads, both full and part time. Some fathers, because they're out of work or have become disabled, stay home because they have no choice.

Parents might opt for the father to stay home for financial reasons. The wife might earn a larger salary with better benefits, freeing the father to stay home, Benson said.

"This is a conscious sacrifice for the couple," she said. "They are giving up a second income. However, studies show some family members want to have another family member taking care of their children."

The cost of day care played a role in the decision for Mike Ruffino, 34, of St. Peters, to stay home with his two children.

"The price of day care can be $180 to $200 a week," said Ruffino, formerly of Hazelwood. "My wife (Jennifer) and I wanted one of us to stay home, so we decided it should be me. A large portion of my paycheck would go to day care, anyway, so by staying home, we're actually saving money."

Having a stay-at-home dad can be an adjustment, both for the adults and the children.

"It can be tough for the kids to adjust to their dad's new role," Benson said. "Men are more willing to tolerate a mess but can be more strict and stick to the rules."

Benson emphasized that parenting is not an instinct.

"Men can cook, clean and bathe the children," she said. "Family life is changing. The tradition of the father as the sole breadwinner is now (found in) only 30 percent of families in the United States."

Posted in North County Journal
Scott Bandle