50/50 parenting 'tearing kids apart'

For many involved, particularly fathers, so-called '50/50' parenting arrangements have been a great success.

But there is growing concern amongst experts that the system is proving disastrous for some families, with the children paying the price.

When relationships break down, and at the latest official count at least one third of Australian marriages will, often the source of greatest conflict is who gets the children.

Perhaps the biggest revolution in family law since the act was first drafted has been the recent introduction of the concept of equal shared parental responsibility.

It has led to a sharp rise in 50/50 care arrangements where children spend half their time with each parent, usually on a weekly or fortnightly basis.

It was after concerted lobbying by fathers' groups that the Howard government changed the law in 2006 to make equal-shared care the first preference in most custody cases.

It meant a judge had to reject the 50/50 option before looking at any other. Since then there has been a dramatic rise in the number of children in these arrangements.

Child psychologist Jennifer McIntosh was studying 260 families who were fighting over custody when she stumbled across a distinct group of children in real distress.

All of them were in equal-care arrangements. She argues that rather than being shared, these children are being torn apart by their parents.

"I think the spirit of the new legislation is right, but the devil's in the detail and what it's inadvertently done, I think, is fanned the flames of conflict," Dr McIntosh said.

"They loathe and detest each other and that spills over on to the child. The child knows full well that 'my parents aren't friends, in fact they hate each other'."

Interests of the child

Diana Bryant is Chief Justice of Australia's most controversial court, the Family Court. She say a child's best interests should always come first.

"It concerns me if decisions are being made that are placing children under too much pressure, of course," she said.

"We do have to be very cautious about forcing children into arrangements which might be seen to be ideologically appropriate but really don't suit those children."

The 7.30 Report spoke to parents in shared-care arrangements, and mother-of-two Joe Snibson says the situation is a "disaster".

She says every hour is accounted for in a rigid arrangement that equally divides her children's time and their loyalties.

"They see their parents in conflict all the time and that's what's happened with the shared care," she said.

"(They think) I'm constantly in a situation where I have to be in contact with someone that I really don't want to be in contact with."

Dr McIntosh's study found those who go to court are nearly five times more likely to end up with equal care. Disturbingly 28 per cent of their children are suffering acute emotional distress.

"High acrimony, high conflict and low maturity, this is the toxic mix," she said.

But fathers' groups, who have been generally supportive of shared-care arrangements, are dismissive of this argument.

Fathers' advocate Barry Williams has been campaigning for shared care since 1980 and says Dr McIntosh's study is "just a lot of rot".

Ideal case

"They've looked at all cases in conflict when you read it (the study). They haven't looked at the cases that are genuinely good cases where it's working," he said.

Fourteen-year-old Steven Lehozcky and his 16-year-old brother Paul split their time equally between their divorced parents, and their situation is an example of one of the good cases Mr Williams refers to.

The boys say they are happy sharing time with both of their parents.

"It's a good arrangement, I like it," Steven said.

"The upside would be you get even time with your mum and dad so you get to spend good time with them but the downside is just having to pack and unpack all the time, it's just annoying."

And their parents, John Lehozcky and Julie Clark, say the key has been their common desire to do the right thing by their children.

"Loving your children, it just boils down to that, loving your children, you've got to love your children more than you hate or dislike your ex or whatever your situation is," Mr Lehozcky said.

"You've always got to put them in front, put them first, think of them first."

Ms Clark agrees.

"If only one of us had not been prepared to play the game and just work with it and go with it, I shudder to think of what the consequences could have been," she said.

Posted in ABC News