Effective Parenting Lessons: How to Stop Yelling at Your Children

Parents are the models of behavior that children emulate. A child who is continuously yelled at may grow up to believe that this is an appropriate style of communicating.

1. Be Clear With Your Directions. After asking your child to pick up his/her clothes several times, they're still on the floor. Children under 7 may need help getting into the habit of doing a task on a regular basis. Make sure a child is capable of doing the task by him/herself. Children may not admit that they did not understand instructions. When dealing with teens, use the word "I" instead of "You." For example, say, "I notice that you did not pick up your shirt," as opposed to, "You keep leaving your shirt on the floor." Avoid words such as "always, never, all the time."

2. Keep Your Anger in Check. Even though we hate to admit it, the problem sometimes is our own. Your 5-year-old doesn't understand that you had a bad day at work. Give yourself a few minutes before responding. Ask yourself if the situation is important enough to address or to let go. If you need time to yourself, explain to your child that you are not in a good mood and that you will speak to him/her when you are feeling better. If you have family support, have someone take the kids while you sort through your emotions.

3. Determine Who's Problem It Is. Yelling at a child for something that is affecting you will not get your problem resolved. Teens may not know that you have a headache when they play their music loudly. Children need parents to describe what they are feeling in order for them to understand. If you yell at your child because he/she is showing no appreciation for a gift you have given to him/her, your child will not understand that you are feeling unappreciated or rejected by his/her reaction. Be aware of how you interpret your child's behavior or reaction.

4. Meet Your Own Basic Needs. If you are addressing your child when you are tired or hungry, then your needs aren't being met, which is contributing to your frustration. Unless a situation needs immediate attention, first eat or rest before speaking to your child.

5. Respond, Don't React. Yelling at a child who is trying to annoy you gives the child the upper hand by getting a reaction out of you. Instead, get your child's attention, look at him/her in the eyes and say what you have to say. Constantly reacting to behavior contributes to misbehavior for the sake of getting attention. Use fewer words if you have to. Instead of saying "I am so sick and tired of reminding you to put away your book bag!" say "Book bag. Closet. Now." Give your child nonverbal signals to get your point across.