Sunday, June 15, 2008

THE SECOND HALF: The role of 'dad' has evolved with the boomers

With Father's Day just around the corner, I couldn't help but think about all of the great boomer dads I know, beginning with the one I am married to.

It's been an interesting evolution of this significant role, especially considering that we boomers were raised in a cultural environment that demanded our parents follow some fairly strict rules when it came to parenting.

Weekly visits with “Father Knows Best” left us all believing that an impeccably dressed father should come home at the end of the day, just in time to read the newspaper and then sit down to a delicious meal prepared by his lovely wife Margaret, who was also impeccable in her Peter Pan-collared dresses and starched white aprons.

Any problems with “The Beaver” and/or Wally, and Ward Cleaver would offer up both the discipline and sage advice. Meanwhile, June would disappear into the kitchen, to clean up after dinner and, most likely, begin tackling the next round of never-ending domestic chores.

While these definitions of parenting may have provided some comfort for people, this approach also proved to have some real shortcomings. As the women's movement raced across the country, it was only a matter of time before men began looking at fatherhood in a very different way. The results have been interesting.

The University of Michigan recently conducted a study of 1,761 children living in a two-parent, intact family. (Remember, these fathers were either raised by boomers or are boomers themselves.) Consider their findings:

* Seventy-five percent of the fathers sampled reported hugging their children or showing them affection every day.

* Thirty-three percent said they tell their children that they love them on a daily basis.

* Sixty percent say they joke and play with their children each day.

* Nearly 90 percent reported that being a father is the most fulfilling job a man can have.

* Eighty percent of the dads said they were involved in choosing their children's activities, while 67 percent helped select their children's day care and schools.

These fathers also reported being involved when it came to setting limits on the following family issues: establishing when it is time for homework (62 percent); limiting snacks (63 percent); controlling whom a child spends time with (40 percent); and controlling how children spend time after school (46 percent).

More than half of these fathers knew the first and last names of their children's closest friends, and 77 percent said that when their children aren't home, they know what friend they are with.

These are encouraging results, as they signal good stuff for those children fortunate enough to be living with both of their parents. But this study also left me thinking about how all of the children in single-parent households are fairing.

I have a personal interest in this because, believe me, when I was growing up Ward Cleaver wasn't pulling into our driveway every night. Nope, in the 50s my brother and I were a bit of an anomaly -- a couple of kids being raised by a single working mother and a single working grandmother -- right there, smack dab in the middle of southern California suburbia.

But what do I know from my own experience? I'm happy to report that children from single-parent households can, and do, grow up to be healthy, happy adults. Truly, some of the best fathers I know were raised by single parents -- like my big brother.

I guess it all comes down to this little boomer lesson: If you are a father, whether living with your children or not, be as involved as you possibly can. Your children will be better for it. Fatherhood may not be the easiest job you'll ever have but it just may be the most gratifying.

Happy Father's Day!

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Tracey Barnes Priestley

For the Times-Standard

Tracey Barnes Priestley has a master's degree in community counseling psychology and has been a counselor, educator and consultant for more than 30 years. She is married and the mother of three adult children. You may e-mail her at thesecondhalf@suddenlink.net or write to her at 665 F St., Arcata, CA 95521. Tracey regrets she is unable to personally answer all letters.

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