Wednesday, June 25, 2008

What do you do when you have different parenting beliefs?

What do you do when you and your partner have different beliefs about parenting?

This is actually a very common problem. I would go so far as to say that every family suffers from this issue or I should say every child suffers from this parenting issue.

In my 20 years of experience I have found that the most common way this is expressed is in how parents discipline. More specifically, what they discipline for and when they will discipline a child.

In extreme cases this can lead to seperation and divorce. On the most mild end of things, the child can use the differences to manipulate and control the home. None of this things are necessary!

Here's a couple quick ideas to get parents on the same page:

1. Take a parenting class. There are classes in every city of America and maybe the world. Point is that a parenting class can be found and they are all good so why don't parents take one? Is it pride? Stubbornness? I know it can't be money because many classes don't cost anything. If there isn't a class in your area, I know there are thousands of parenting books available to read. I wrote one myself!

Once parents take a class or read a book together, they can start parenting using the same techniques and philosophy. Most parents parent based on their experiences as a child, good or bad. Learn a new, third way of doing things.

2. Two heads are better than one. Never make a decision about without two parents agreeing. If you can't agree, then decide not to decide. I am not talking about the mundane things like what to make for dinner...or am I? Maybe this too needs to go through the parenting committee. Put your heads together and decide that too.

Most kids split the parents knowing who they can work and asking that one a question. Tell the child you will decide after you talk to the other parent. Let them tantrum and fume. There really isn't that many crisis situations, at least on the life and death spectrum, when it comes to making a parenting decision.

3. Learn from one another and tell each other what you like about their parenting. This could be the hardest part for many parents but a little sugar goes a long way. Besides the parenting relationship angle, this idea is useful in using similar parenting styles. No one parent knows it all or is perfect. Every parent has strengths and weaknesses. Learn and acknowledge the good points in the other and you will find, over time, that you are parenting in a very similar fashion.

4. Use over 3000 parenting tools and tips of the Parenting Toolbox. The membership is lifetime and you never renew your fees. It is like parenting insurance with no annual dues. And if you join today you get a no charge membership to the Anger Toolbox as well. That is a two for one special offer. Start building a stronger, happier home today at http://parentingtoolbox.com

Posted in gather.com
Ron H., Contributor

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